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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not all people enjoys being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip here or there would be fun for her. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their bond?